Are You Leading Like Christ?
When we experience difficulty in a relationship, particularly in marriage, we are often quick to point to the other person as the problem. “She doesn’t listen, she doesn’t help, she won’t work with me.” But Jesus tells us in Matthew 7:5 to first “take the log out of your own eye.” In other words, we are to deal with our own sin and shortcomings before addressing those of another.
For this reason, when it comes to leading your wife when it seems she doesn’t want to follow, husbands should look to themselves first and reflect on the following:
Are you leading her and your family in a way that’s worth following?
As the husband, you are charged by God to lead. It is a man’s responsibility to protect, provide, and set the vision and culture for the family. The most basic part of this is to provide financially. First Timothy 5:8 says that any man who does not provide for his family “has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” We should be working to provide.
But our responsibility does not end there. Too often, men take care of provision while leaving the spiritual, emotional, and directional leadership of the family to their wives. We need to be pastoring, teaching, and leading our families in the ways of the Lord, echoing Joshua’s declaration: “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15). If we refuse to do so, why should our wife and family follow us?
Are you loving your wife with Christlike love?
Ephesians 5:25 tells us clearly, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her.” Christ is our example for how to love our wives—with sacrificial, unto-death love. Why? Because He is the head of the Church. With headship comes the call to service. Jesus said in Matthew 20:26, “But whoever would be great among you must be your servant.”
In God’s Kingdom, those who lead must first serve. Our love for our wives must be defined and demonstrated through sacrificial service. There is always the temptation to pull out the scorecard and compare how much we do for her versus how much she does for us. But if the scorecard is not heavier on your side as the man, then it’s out of order. Christ has done more for His Bride than the Church could ever return. The same should be true of husbands who love their wives according to His model.
Are you communicating the vision and direction clearly?
Finally, have you clearly communicated your heart and vision for the family in a way your wife understands and feels like a collaborator and partner in? You and your wife are one flesh and should be walking through life as such. You are not a dictator. Marriage isn’t a boss/subordinate relationship.
We err when we either fail to set a direction or bark out orders like a commander. Instead, let’s partner with our wives, love and pastor them, and cast a Christ-centered vision that we can pursue together.
What to do next.
Contemplate these questions and give yourself an honest evaluation. Where can you begin to improve and become more like Christ? No matter where you fall short, there is one final encouragement: pray for your wife. Whether she is walking with you or resisting you, pray for her, intercede for her, and bless her.
We are the priests of our homes, so let us boldly approach the throne of grace and stand in the gap for our wives and families. As you step into your role as a leader with sacrificial love, ask the Lord to bless your wife, speak to her, and strengthen her to walk in the beautiful role He has created for her.
Application Questions:
- Are you leading her and your family in a way that’s worth following?
- Are you loving your wife with Christlike love?
- Are you communicating the vision and direction clearly?