David de la Cruz

THE UNITY CHECKLIST

THE UNITY CHECKLIST:
7 Ways to Measure the Health of Your Marriage

A thriving marriage doesn’t happen by accident. Unity requires intentional work—humility, communication, and sacrifice. Ephesians 4:2–3 lays the foundation: “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

As men, we are called to lead our homes with vision, wisdom, and servant-hearted strength. But how can we know if we’re doing that well? Below is a practical “Unity Checklist”—seven key areas to help assess the health of your marriage and identify where you may need to grow.

1. Faith: Is Jesus First?

Matthew 6:33 reminds us to “seek first the kingdom of God.” A godly marriage starts with both spouses having a shared commitment to Christ. Your wife can’t be your savior—Jesus is. Is your relationship with Him your first priority? Are you pursuing spiritual unity through prayer, church, and the Word?

2. Family: Are You Aligned on Roles and Culture?

Are you clear on your roles as husband and wife? Are you embracing what it means to “leave and cleave” from your parents and to your wife (Genesis 2:24)? Talk through parenting styles, extended family dynamics, and cultural expectations. Is there a stepfamily, and are there boundaries in place?  Unity includes understanding past trauma, sin cycles, or challenges—like addiction or abuse—that could impact your home and intimacy.

3. Fidelity: Are You Guarding the Covenant?

Marriage isn’t a contract—it’s a covenant. Do you have strong boundaries with the opposite sex? How do you view divorce? Are you willing to prioritize your spouse above even your children? Hebrews 13:4 calls us to honor the marriage bed and keep it pure. Unity requires trust, transparency, and loyalty.

4. Free Time: How Will You Enjoy Life?

How do you unwind? What does your ideal day off look like? What about your wife’s? Disagreements about downtime, social media usage, or communication styles can create tension. Do your rhythms clash or complement? Are you willing to adjust to honor your spouse’s needs?

5. Friendship: Are You in Community?

Proverbs tells us we become like the company we keep. Who are the couples influencing your marriage? Surround yourselves with godly, healthy relationships. Don’t isolate. Learn from others—what to do, and what not to do. You’re the average of your five closest friends—make sure they reflect the kind of marriage you want.

6. Finances: Are You Unified in Stewardship?

Money can be a major point of conflict. Are you a saver or a spender? Do you tithe? Are your accounts joined or separate? Budgeting together is an act of trust and unity. Agree on where you’re living, what you’re giving, and how you’re preparing for the future.

7. Future: Are You Dreaming Together?

Do you have shared goals for the next 1–5 years? Are you building our plan or still clinging to my plan and her plan? God didn’t design you to compete with each other but to complete each other. Marriage is a mission, and your vision needs to be united.

Unity is not the absence of conflict—it’s the presence of commitment. The aim of problem-solving is not to win the argument but to win your spouse. God’s purpose for your life includes letting your wife help you, and vice versa. Use this checklist, invite the Holy Spirit into the process, and keep growing—together.

Application:

  1. Schedule a “Unity Check-In” with your spouse and compare notes.  
  2. Where is the strongest area of unity within your marriage? Which area needs to be strengthened?  Choose one area to focus on each month. 
  3. Create a shared vision for the next 1-5 years.  Discuss family values, financial goals, ministry hopes, parenting plans, and begin dreaming together.  Revisit and revise your list annually.

David de la Cruz

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GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE

GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE: DECLARED ONE – BECOMING ONE

“A man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh…What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
–Matthew 19:5–6, ESV

Declared One—Becoming One

There are two questions every man must settle in life: Who will you worship? and Who will you marry? These two decisions shape everything—your faith, your future, your family, your legacy. Get either one wrong, and the consequences ripple for decades. Get them right, and your life becomes a testimony of God’s goodness.

At Awakening Church, I’ve unofficially become the “marriage pastor.” If you’ve been married through us, chances are we’ve had a conversation—about God’s purpose for marriage, about how to build a healthy foundation, about why divorce isn’t the easy out the world pretends it is. We take marriage seriously because God takes marriage seriously.

God’s Design: From Two to One

Jesus quotes Genesis when He says, “A man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh…What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:5–6, ESV). Marriage is about oneness. On your wedding day, that oneness is declared. But every day after that, you fight to protect and nurture it.

That’s why the wedding day matters. It’s not just a photo op—it’s a holy declaration. When the bride enters, everyone stands. Not because it’s tradition, but because something significant is happening. Just like when the president enters the room or a judge enters the chambers, the room knows that something noteworthy is happening. This isn’t a contract; it’s a covenant. Two families, once separate, are now united. The couple turns to face the pastor to recognize that God is at the center of this new union.

A Covenant, Not a Contract

Our culture treats vows lightly. Jesus warned against careless promises, but in marriage, the vows matter. They’re not just between two people—they include God as a witness. “As God is my witness…” That’s no throwaway line. Heaven records every vow you make to your wife.

And the rings? They’re not made of paper or wood. They’re forged from metal because they’re meant to last. Your marriage should endure fire, friction, and time.

Oneness Is a Process

Just as salvation is a moment followed by a lifetime of sanctification, your wedding declares you are one—but you spend the rest of your life becoming one. Through joy and pain, laughter and tears, you grow in unity. You learn to forgive, to serve, to lead with love. That’s why weddings often end with communion. Because just like your walk with Jesus, marriage requires grace.

Some traditions illustrate this beautifully: Celtic handfasting, Filipino lasso ceremonies, the bride taking the husband’s name—all echo the deeper spiritual reality: two have become one. Legally, spiritually, and physically, God has joined you together.

And yes, some of you may have gotten the order wrong. Maybe you lived together before the vows. There’s grace for that. But now is the time to set things in order—because God blesses what He builds.

The Work Begins Now

The honeymoon is your first adventure. But the real journey is learning how to walk in unity, day by day. You were declared one. Now, by God’s grace, become one.

Applications:

  1. If your wife were asked today, “Do you feel like your husband is becoming one with you?” What would she say?
  2. Do you treat your marriage as a contract or a covenant?  How have you put the Lord at the center of your marriage?
  3. Have you allowed outside influences—family, culture, work—to separate what God joined together?

David de la Cruz

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5 MYTHS ABOUT FORGIVENESS EVERY CHRISTIAN MAN NEEDS TO CONFRONT

5 MYTHS ABOUT FORGIVENESS
EVERY CHRISTIAN MAN NEEDS TO CONFRONT

“Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors… For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
— Matthew 6:12,14 (ESV)

Few commands are as central to the Christian life—and as misunderstood—as forgiveness. Jesus didn’t just preach forgiveness; He embodied it. On the cross, He paid a debt we could never repay. And in doing so, He opened the door for us to live in freedom—not only from sin, but from bitterness, anger, and revenge.

But walking in forgiveness also means learning to extend it. Over the years, I’ve had many conversations with men who are carrying deep wounds. And I’ve seen how misunderstanding forgiveness can keep them stuck.  Many people don’t forgive because they believe that forgiveness is something that it’s not.  

Here are five myths that need to be challenged:

1. Forgiveness Is Optional

Let’s start with the biggest lie: that forgiveness is something you can choose later, or only if you feel like it. Jesus didn’t present forgiveness as a suggestion—it was a condition of the Christian life.

In Matthew 6, He ties our forgiveness from God to our willingness to forgive others. In Mark 11:25, He says, “When you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone…”

Forgiveness isn’t optional—it’s obedience. If you’ve received grace, you’re called to give it. Forgiveness is not weakness. It’s spiritual warfare. It breaks cycles of offense and unleashes healing, both for you and others.

2. Forgiveness Means Forgetting

Isaiah 43:25 says that God “remembers our sins no more,” but that doesn’t mean He forgets like we misplace our keys. It means He chooses not to dwell on them.

You may never forget the betrayal or the wound. Forgiveness doesn’t erase the memory—it breaks the power of it. You’re not a robot; you’re a man with real experiences and a real heart. But you don’t have to let those memories master you. You can stop rehearsing and start releasing.

3. Forgiveness Means Trusting

Forgiveness and trust are not the same. Forgiveness is given; trust is earned. Reconciliation is a separate step, and it requires repentance, accountability, and time.

Jesus tells us to forgive seventy times seven—but He never says to pretend like nothing happened. Forgiveness says, “I’m not seeking revenge.” Trust says, “Let’s rebuild slowly.”

You can forgive someone without putting them back in the same position in your life. That’s not unforgiveness—it’s wisdom.

4. Forgiveness Is for the Other Person

We sometimes believe that withholding forgiveness gives us leverage or power over someone who hurt us. But the truth is, they often don’t even remember the offense—or they’ve moved on.

Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. It doesn’t trap them—it traps you. It breeds bitterness, isolates you from others, and blocks the flow of God’s peace in your life.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It clears the clutter from your soul and makes room for freedom.

5. Forgiveness Lets Them Off the Hook

Here’s the real truth: forgiveness doesn’t cancel justice. It simply puts it in the right hands—God’s. Romans 12:19 reminds us: “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

Forgiveness says, “I’m stepping out of the judge’s seat and trusting God to do what’s right.” You’re not saying it wasn’t wrong—you’re saying it no longer has power over you.

Forgiveness isn’t denial. It’s release.

Final Thought

Forgiveness is how we walk in the power of the Gospel.   It’s not easy—but it is necessary.

Jesus forgave you when you didn’t deserve it. When you walk in forgiveness, you walk in freedom.

David de la Cruz

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THE FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT: BECOMING THE MAN GOD DESIGNED

THE FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT: BECOMING THE MAN GOD DESIGNED

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…” — Galatians 5:22–23 (ESV)

You weren’t made to be driven by impulse. You were made to be led by the Spirit. In a world where manhood is often measured by dominance, power, or pride, Scripture offers a different portrait of strength: the man who bears the fruit of the Spirit.

Paul contrasts this with the “works of the flesh” in Galatians 5: sexual immorality, jealousy, rage, division, and drunkenness—things that thrive when we’re living for ourselves. The flesh wants independence from God. But the Spirit? He wants us to become like Christ—even when it costs us.

Let’s be clear: these are not fruits of the Spirit, plural. It’s fruit, singular. This is not a menu you pick and choose from. It’s a complete portrait of a life transformed by God’s indwelling presence. Just like an apple tree doesn’t need to strain to produce apples, a man filled with the Spirit naturally begins to produce these qualities. It’s normal. It’s healthy. It’s expected. And just like fruit, this development starts small and requires pruning.

This past spring, I pruned some of my apple and pear trees for the first time. Years ago, they produced a lot of fruit, but lately, we hadn’t seen much. The immediate result of pruning wasn’t exactly pretty. In fact, when my wife came home, she was shocked by what I had done. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure if I had followed the DIY videos correctly. The trees looked bare—almost butchered. But just a few months later, I started to see new fruit begin to emerge. That growth only came after I was willing to go through the messy and uncomfortable process of pruning.

In the same way, God prunes us—cutting away attitudes, distractions, and habits that are stunting our growth. If you want to bear spiritual fruit, expect to be pruned.

Fruit of the Spirit: A Picture of Christlikeness

Jonathan Edwards, during the Great Awakening, responded to critics by highlighting not just the spiritual fireworks—visions and miracles—but the transformed lives. People confessed sins. Reconciled relationships. They didn’t just feel something—they became something new. The fruit is evidence.

Let’s break the fruit into three dimensions:

Internal – Who You Are at Heart

  • Love: The foundation. A self-giving love that seeks the good of others, whether or not it’s returned.
  • Joy: Not happiness based on happenings—but a deep gladness rooted in grace.
  • Peace: A calm and wholeness that comes from being reconciled with God.

Relational – How You Treat Others

  • Patience: Enduring with people. Long-suffering without retaliation.
  • Kindness: Integrity wrapped in gentleness. A warm heart that translates into helpful action.
  • Goodness: Moral courage in action. Doing the right thing, even when it’s hard.

Disciplinary – How You Govern Yourself

  • Faithfulness: Loyal. Dependable. A man of your word.
  • Gentleness: Not weakness, but meekness—strength under control.
  • Self-Control: Mastery over your desires. Not ruled by emotion, impulse, or appetite.

Gifts vs. Fruit

The gifts of the Spirit—healing, tongues, prophecy, wisdom—are powerful, but they don’t tell the whole story. Gifts are given. Fruit is grown. One shows God is with you. The other shows God rules you.

Paul told Timothy that the qualifications for leadership weren’t spiritual gifts, but fruit: “self-controlled,” “a lover of good,” “disciplined” (1 Tim. 3; Titus 1). Why? Because fruit is what makes your witness credible.

We are to pursue both. “Pursue love, and earnestly desire the spiritual gifts” (1 Cor. 14:1). But love—first in the list—is the foundation. As one preacher put it:

“Joy is love rejoicing. Peace is love resting. Patience is love enduring. Kindness is love serving. Goodness is love caring. Faithfulness is love trusting. Gentleness is love yielding. Self-control is love mastering.”

Final Challenge

Brother, if you want to grow this kind of fruit, you need to:

  • Abide in Christ (John 15:4–5) – Fruit comes from the Vine.
  • Walk in step with the Spirit (Gal. 5:25) – Stay in rhythm with His leading.
  • Practice the disciplines – Prayer, fasting, Scripture, and fellowship.
  • Welcome pruning – Let God cut away what’s hindering growth.

This fruit is not about performance—it’s about transformation. It’s not what you do. It’s about who you’re becoming.

David de la Cruz

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LESSONS IN THE HOLY LAND

THE UNEVEN STEPS TO THE TEMPLE

Recently, I returned back from a trip to the Holy Land. I was able to take in so many of the most important sites in the story of the Bible including the Sea of Galilee, Bethlehem, Jericho and so many others. But I spent most of my time in the city of Jerusalem where I visited many of the same places that the people of the Bible visited.

One of my favorite places is a little known spot called the Southern Steps or the Rabbi Steps. These steps were used by the hundreds of thousands of Jewish pilgrims who would visit God’s temple each year for the various holy days and festivals. As I walked this area and mediated on the structures these 3 spiritual truths jumped out at me.

#1 We must be cleansed.

The Mikva’ot or purification pools: before you walked up the steps to approach the temple it was required that you purified yourself in one of the dozens of Mikvahs or cleansing baths that surround the southern wall. It’s a reminder that we can only approach God when we have been cleansed and purified. The guidelines were clear: you didn’t cleanse one limb at a time, but through full immersion. This is a reminder that we are only clean when we allow God to clean all of who we are: our hands, hearts, and head must be continually and completely cleansed in order for us to approach God with the freedom and confidence that he desires.

#2 God wants our focus.

The uneven steps: the walk up the southern steps to the temple grounds are amazingly uneven. Some steps are 12 feet deep while others are closer to 36 inches. When we read the Bible, God is so precise in his measurements for the temple, the makeup of its furnishings and the rituals associated with its proper usage. Yet here, these steps demand your full attention. The worshippers could not approach the temple distracted by conversation or with their minds elsewhere. If they wanted to avoid tripping or falling down, they had to be intentional about each step and focus their attention on the approach to God’s presence.

#3 God is welcoming.

The wide roads: These were not narrow roads and steps but wide staircases and gates because God’s invitation to his presence is wide. He invites us to come to him and come with our spouses and our children. He wants us to approach him in community and with others. There were Psalms, called the Psalms of Ascent (i.e. Psalm 125) that were sung by these worshippers together as they approached God’s house with joy and expectation. The temple, city and crowds of people all served as a vivid picture of how God surrounded his people even as they surrounded His holy temple.

David de la Cruz

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WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT: MARRIAGE

THE MEANING OF MARRIAGE

“What God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:6

Today’s culture has invented all sorts of new institutions in an attempt to replace marriages.  Cohabitation, domestic partnerships, common law “marriages,” along with polyamorous relationships have all been touted as a alternatives to traditional marriage. But these relationship schemes all fail to provide the one thing that a marriage was meant to provide for the man and a woman.

When a man marries a woman, it’s a significant picture of two individuals coming together to form a new unit, a family.  Children may be the fruit of that coming together, but they don’t define the family. The family begins when the man and woman commit their lives to one another.

God declared “…a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen 2:24).  The act of leaving his family is significant.  He is retreating behind his past identity and family ties to create and commit to a new family.  “One flesh” signifies the unity and oneness that the man and woman would create.  They would be weakest when apart but strongest when they were indivisible.

Jesus affirmed the goal of marriage when he declared that the man and woman, “are no longer two but one flesh. What…God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:5-6).  God’s desire for every marriage, first and foremost, is to protect its unity and mature into oneness.  There are many things that can divide a couple. In Genesis, it was selfish ambition and pride.  When Jesus taught on marriage, he warned that adultery or sexual sin could wound a marriage beyond the ability to heal.   

From Genesis to Jesus, the number one objective of marriage is to protect and pursue unity and oneness.  The wedding day will formalize this unity, but you will spend every day of your lives together fulfilling that vow.  

    To the single men: Watch who you hitch your wagon to.  As you look for a spouse, make sure you’re willing to share every part of who you are with that woman.  There’s no undoing the blending that happens within a marriage.

    To the married men: Protect the “togetherness” of your marriage.  Take seriously the call to pursue oneness and unity.  What things in your life or heart are hindrances to the unity that God wants you to enjoy with your spouse?  What can you do today to strengthen your bond with your wife?

    David de la Cruz

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    LEADING YOUR LINEAGE

    SEE WHAT COULD BE & DEVELOP A VISION FOR YOUR LINEAGE

    “Then Jacob called for his sons and said: “Gather around so I can tell you what will happen to you in days to come….” Genesis 49:1

    Men love to name things. I named my first car Betsy. She was a 5-speed Toyota Celica from 1986. She was rusty, had no grill, and leaked mysterious fluids all over my driveway. When I bought her, the car was listed for $600. But the seller felt so bad asking that much that he dropped the price to $450. Despite all her flaws, that car was mine. She belonged to me, and I made sure she passed inspection. I loved that car, and for the next couple of years, I made many great memories with friends and family with Betsy.

    There’s something to naming a thing or a person. You see it all over the Bible but most profoundly right in Genesis. In the early chapters, we read that God named Adam, and he named his wife, Eve. Then, in Genesis 17, God renames Abram to Abraham and promises him blessing, lineage, and authority. And in Genesis 49, Abraham’s grandson, Jacob, gathers all of his sons together. Though Jacob is about to die, his last act is to call his sons together by name and confirm their value, identity, and futures. He speaks prophetically and truthfully about what kind of men each of these men would become.

    In the 18th century, Jonathan Edwards, America’s greatest revivalist, theologian, and pastor, would do the same thing. He famously devoted himself to his church and its members but never neglected his home. Edwards and his wife Sarah were blessed with 11 children. Of course, they had named their children, but Edwards also invested his time in cultivating each of their identities. He made the time to pray individually, read with them, and speak deeply about the Lord and his works. The results are astonishing. Nearly 200 years later, Jonathan’s children, grandchildren, and progeny would become exceptional. His family’s fruit includes dozens of pastors and missionaries, 13 university presidents, 65 college professors, 1 United States vice president, many judges, US Senators, Governors, and military officers. Why? I believe it’s because Edwards understood his unique role as a man, father, and husband to confer identity and release a person into their potential.

    When you pray with your family or talk to your children, know that you are in a God-assigned position to shape lives and build others up. Like Jacob and Jonathan Edwards, what we say matters. Our words have prophetic potential and will shape not only the lives of others but even generations to come.

    What is the vision you have for your own life? Where do you see God leading you?

    If you are married or with children, what potential do you see in your spouse or children that need to be cultivated and encouraged? How can you do this positively?

    David de la Cruz

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