Triple the Work but Great is the Reward: Lessons on Stepfatherhood
When a man chooses to marry a woman with children, he is not only committing to her—he is also embracing the responsibility of stepping into the role of father. Becoming a husband brings its own responsibilities. Becoming a dad doubles the load. Becoming an instant stepfather triples the weight of responsibility in ways that cannot be fully grasped until you walk through it. But when you are walking with God, He strengthens, equips, and encourages you for the journey.
I know this because I lived it.
My own father was present in my life but not really a participant. He provided materially, but he was not relational, supportive, or engaged. He never modeled the type of father I longed for, and because of that, I had no example to follow. When I married a woman who had a young daughter, I assumed it would be easy to step in and help raise her.
At first, it looked simple. My wife was loving, patient, and nurturing with her child. Their relationship was filled with joy and friendship. I thought, “I can do this! How hard could it be?” What I did not realize was that my wife’s connection with her daughter had been built over years of sacrifice, sleepless nights, and countless intentional choices. She had poured into her daughter’s heart and created a safe and loving environment. I tried to step in as if I could pick up where she left off, but relationships are not inherited—they must be built.
The truth was, I struggled. My selfishness, pride, and stubbornness kept me from connecting in the way my stepchild needed. I was content with surface-level involvement—showing up at sports events or helping with school projects—without truly opening my heart. Over time, my flaws drove a wedge between us. My wife often had to serve as the buffer in our home, which was not God’s design for the family.
But then God stepped in.
When I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ, everything began to change. The process was not instant or easy. My old ways fought back, but God was patient. He began healing the wounds from my own father’s absence. He showed me that love is not simply saying the right words but reflecting His heart through compassion, patience, and sacrifice.
As God reshaped me, I began to see my stepdaughter the way He sees her—precious, unique, and deeply loved. Today she is grown, a wife and a mother herself, and an incredible woman. I often look back and wish I could have been a better father in those early years. I have had to ask for forgiveness and acknowledge my failures. Yet I also know God has been at work, redeeming what was broken and restoring our relationship for the future.
Scripture may not specifically use the word, “stepfather”, but they are there. Joseph was a stepfather to Jesus. He loved, protected and provided for Jesus like any father would. If you are a father or stepfather, the Bible offers timeless wisdom for men in these roles. Paul writes, “Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience” (Colossians 3:12). And again, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, lest they become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21). These are not optional suggestions but essential commands for anyone called to fatherhood.
Being a stepfather is not about replacing anyone. It is about reflecting Christ. Love in your heart is meaningless if it is never expressed in ways that meet a child’s God-given needs. With God’s help, even painful beginnings can be rewritten into a story of redemption.
Application Questions:
- If you are considering marriage to someone with children, are you prepared to embrace the responsibility of fatherhood?
- What areas of your character still need God’s transformation before you can love well?
- How are you investing in your children or stepchildren beyond simply being present?
- Do you need to apologize to your wife or children? Are you willing to humble yourself, ask forgiveness, and let God restore what may be broken?