YEAR ONE: Protecting the First Year of Your Marriage
At this point in my life, I’ve lost track of the exact number of weddings I’ve officiated or participated in—it’s probably close to 200. At almost every wedding, the couple asks their guests to share a word of wisdom or best wishes. Whenever I’m asked, I write down Deuteronomy 24:5:
“When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken.” (ESV)
This verse has always stood out to me because it highlights how critical the first year of marriage is. From it, I believe we see at least three key principles:
1. Your First Year Is Foundational
The first year sets the tone for the rest of your marriage. You will establish rhythms, habits, and ways of relating to each other that will shape your future together. It’s like a ship setting out to sea—if the compass is even one degree off, it will end up far from its intended destination. Healthy habits must be formed early: serving one another, learning how to lead and follow, recognizing and appreciating each other’s strengths.
In our first year, my wife and I agreed to live by Paul’s instruction in Ephesians 4:26: “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.” That commitment became a guardrail that has helped us through countless moments of disagreement.
2. Your First Priority Is Your Wife
Before marriage, a man may freely set his ambitions on work, projects, or personal goals. But once married, God calls him to reorient his priorities. Deuteronomy 24:5 even exempted a newlywed from serving his community or defending his nation. Why? Because his wife must come first.
Marriage means you are now “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Protecting your marriage comes before protecting your reputation, your career, or even your community. The strength of the family is the strength of the nation, and that begins with a husband cherishing his wife above all else.
3. Your First Goal: Pursue Happiness at Home
The command in Deuteronomy 24:5 is not merely to stay home—it is “to be happy with his wife.” In other words, joy, laughter, and delight are not optional extras in marriage; they are commanded.
I once heard a well-meaning man say, “Don’t try to make your wife happy.” I am glad I ignored that advice! A husband should cultivate an atmosphere of joy. Stress, work pressures, and life’s demands will try to steal it, but a godly man chooses to bring happiness into his home. Create space for laughter, fun, and memory-making moments. Years later, it is often those moments—not promotions or possessions—that will be cherished the most.
A Timeless Principle
As a Christian under the new covenant, I don’t take Deuteronomy 24:5 literally, but I do take it seriously. God gave us a timeless principle: protect the first year of marriage. Not as a burden, but as a gift, so that couples can enjoy the happiness He always intended.
Application Questions
- What habits are you currently forming in your marriage that will shape the next ten years?
- In what ways do you demonstrate that your wife is your highest earthly priority?
- What intentional steps can you take this week to bring joy and laughter into your home?
- If you weren’t intentional about your first year, how can you start this year? It’s not too late to create new rhythms and patterns that bring happiness to your home.