Fatherhood

The Art of Stillness:
A Guide for Men Seeking God in Solitude

“Hurry is the great enemy of spiritual life in our day. You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.”
— Dallas Willard

Most men I talk to want to grow. We want clarity, confidence, and conviction in how we lead, love, and live. But the truth is, most of us are operating at full speed, constantly plugged in, and rarely—if ever—alone with our own thoughts, let alone with God.

The problem? Growth requires stillness. Stillness requires intention. And intention requires space.

Let’s talk about how silence, solitude, and stillness can shape you into the man God designed you to be.

Why Silence and Solitude Matter More Than Ever

Dallas Willard once said, “Solitude and silence are the most radical of the spiritual disciplines because they most directly attack the sources of human misery and wrongdoing.”

That’s not an overstatement. Solitude and silence are spiritual reset buttons. They strip away distractions, ego, and the noise of the world. When you make space to be with God, you rediscover who you are—and who you are not.

Jesus modeled this. He regularly withdrew to quiet places, even when people were demanding His attention (Luke 5:16). That wasn’t weakness—it was wisdom. He understood that private connection fuels public power.

In Silence, We Learn to Live in God’s Presence

For many of us, silence is uncomfortable. We instinctively fill the quiet with music, podcasts, texts, or tasks. But silence isn’t the absence of something—it’s the presence of Someone. 

When I first tried to sit in silence for 10 minutes, I couldn’t last more than 3. My brain was buzzing. But over time, that space became holy. It’s where I started to notice how anxious I really was. It’s also where I began to hear God’s voice—not audibly, but internally—with more clarity than ever before.

Psalm 62:5 says, “For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.” That kind of waiting doesn’t come naturally. But it’s deeply formative. It takes work and intentionality.

Stillness Makes Room for Listening

You can’t hear God while sprinting. Stillness trains you to slow down—not just physically, but mentally and spiritually as well.

In Exodus 14:14, God tells the Israelites, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Stillness is an act of trust. It’s admitting that you’re not the source of your strength, nor the solution to every problem.

Stillness also helps you become a better listener—to God, to your spouse, to your kids, and to your own soul. It slows down your reactions and sharpens your response.

How to Build Silence, Solitude, and Stillness into Your Day 

This isn’t about escaping your responsibilities. It’s about showing up better for them. Here are some practical ways to start:

For Husbands and Fathers

• Wake up 15 minutes earlier than the rest of the house. Use that time for quiet prayer and stillness.
• Create a quiet corner with a chair, Bible, and journal.
• Power down your devices after dinner. Replace screen time with reflection.

For Young Men Becoming Leaders

• Start small. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Just sit. Breathe. Listen.
• Replace one scroll session a day with a solitude walk—no music, no phone.
• Use journaling to track your thoughts, prayers, and what you sense God is saying.
  

Why It Matters

• You’ll parent with more peace.
• You’ll lead with more wisdom.
• You’ll resist burnout and hustle culture.
• You’ll serve others without running dry.
  

A Simple Challenge: 15 Minutes for Formation

Here’s a challenge I’ve personally used and shared with other men:

• 5 minutes of stillness in the morning (before anything else)
• 5 minutes of silence midday (pause and reset)
• 5 minutes of solitude in the evening (reflect and release)

Do this for 30 days. Track how it changes your clarity, your stress levels, and your awareness of God.

Final Thoughts

Stillness isn’t about checking out of life. It’s about checking in with God, with yourself, and with what matters most. If you want to lead well, you must first listen well. And that starts in the quiet. Embracing stillness will bring you a sense of peace, clarity, and a deeper connection with God and yourself.

Questions for Reflection

• What would change if I led my life from a place of peace rather than pressure?
• Where in my day can I create intentional space for silence or solitude?
• What am I afraid I’ll discover in the stillness—and what might God want to heal there?

Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone

A ship in a harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for” –John A. Shedd

There is no growth without discomfort. Every man who has grown in character, strength, or faith has first been stretched beyond his comfort zone. It’s the great paradox of spiritual maturity: God loves you just as you are, but He loves you too much to leave you there.

You will never discover the full measure of what God has placed inside you by staying where it’s safe. True growth—spiritual, mental, physical—happens on the edge of discomfort. As David Goggins says, “When your mind tells you you’re done, you’re really only at 40%.” That’s not just motivational talk. That’s a biblical principle.

Scripture reminds us of God’s higher purpose and perspective:
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.” —Isaiah 55:8
“For I know the plans I have for you… to give you a future and a hope.” —Jeremiah 29:11

God’s plans require our participation. They require faith that acts, courage that steps, and obedience that stretches. Romans 5:3–4 (AMP) makes it plain:
“…hardship (distress, pressure, trouble) produces patient endurance; and endurance, proven character… and proven character, hope…”

Trials are coming either way. But what if, instead of waiting passively, we pursued the kind of challenges that build us? What if we looked for opportunities to get uncomfortable—for the sake of growth?

That’s what we did when we started a run club here at Remnant. Most guys had little to no experience, but they showed up—at 5AM—and pushed beyond what they thought was possible. One or two hours of running turned into breakthrough moments, not just physically, but mentally and spiritually. The growth didn’t come because they were strong—it came because they were willing to be stretched.

Stretching doesn’t have to mean running. For me, writing this article was a stretch. I had every excuse: I’m not a writer. I’m not qualified. I’ve never done this before. But I realized I could either stay stuck—or step out and see what God might do with my small “yes.”

Maybe someone has asked you to lead a Crew or step up in your church. Maybe God has been nudging you toward something uncomfortable. Don’t ignore it. That might be your next step. And your breakthrough won’t come until you take it.

Growth always begins with faith, and faith will always require a stretch. The question is: Are you willing?

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Application Questions:

1. How have past trials in your life shaped your character and increased your endurance?
2. Have you said “no” to something recently out of fear or insecurity that you may need to revisit?
3. What’s one area in your life where you feel God is calling you to step outside your comfort zone?
4. Who in your life can help hold you accountable to stretch and grow in this next season?

Stewards of Grace: From Idleness to Impact

“Prefer diligence before idleness, unless you esteem rust above brightness.” —Plato

A simple prayer begins this journey:
God, give us the wisdom to do what You’ve called us to—obedient to Your Word, faithful to Your people. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

The phrase “the devil finds work for idle hands” is often attributed to Thoreau, but the warning goes back further—deep into Scripture. Idleness, in God’s eyes, is more than just laziness. It’s a spiritual sluggishness, a burying of what God has entrusted to us.

I didn’t grow up idle. I pushed brooms in my dad’s shop and biked dangerously down Route 146 to swim at Lincoln Woods. Today, when I see the “No Bicycles Allowed” signs, I suspect that they added them because of me!  But I’ve always stayed busy—sometimes with purpose, sometimes with procrastination—but never still. Yet despite my active hands, I came to realize in my twenties that I had grown idle in faith.

Like Timothy in the Bible, I was young when I believed. But it wasn’t until I opened Paul’s letters that I began to see the weight of what it means to be a steward of grace. “Let no one despise you for your youth,” Paul tells Timothy, “but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12, ESV). Being saved is not the finish line—it’s the starting line.

Jesus told a parable of a servant who buried his one talent in the ground (Matthew 25:18). That man wasn’t condemned because he lost the money, but because he refused to use it. I saw myself in that story. I had one clear talent: my salvation testimony. I used it—sharing in church, serving wherever needed. It was safe. It was steady. But I was playing the banker’s game: low risk, low return.

God wants marketplace men. The servants who doubled their talents didn’t keep them in the temple—they brought them into the streets. That’s where faith multiplies. The marketplace is your job, your gym, your neighborhood. The Kingdom of God expands when you scatter gospel seed outside the four walls of the church.

Paul continues in 1 Timothy 4:13–16 with a challenge for every Remnant man: devote yourself to the reading of Scripture (alone and with your others), to encouragement (your brothers), to teaching (your witness), and to persistence. Don’t just serve—guard the gift God has entrusted to you. “By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you” (2 Timothy 1:14, ESV).

So, brother—what are you doing with the grace you’ve been given? Don’t let it sit idle. Don’t bury it beneath Sunday routines. Take it to the marketplace. Risk it. Multiply it.

The world was changed by twelve men full of the Holy Spirit. That same Spirit is in you.

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Application Questions:

1. Are you a banker or marketplace man?  Are you being safe or taking risks for the Lord?
2. On a scale of 1-10 are you more idle or more active in faith? What can you do today to become more active?
3. 1 Timothy 4:12 says that we can be an example for others in speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity.  Who do you look up to who is strong in one of these areas?  Which do you think people recognize as a strength of yours?

How to Lead Your Family in Worship

You may not walk around your house singing praise ballads into a wireless microphone with a guitar slung over your back (just in case), but you are a worship leader. You may not play an instrument on a stage in front of hundreds of people every Sunday, but you are a worship leader. You may not have a smash-hit single on a WOW Worship CD compilation from 1995, but you are a worship leader!

When you think about “worship,” you’re probably thinking about music (plus all the things I just mentioned above). But worship is not about music—or even about what can be seen. Worship is the posture of our hearts toward God, reflected in our thoughts, beliefs, and actions. It flows out of the sum total of who we are. It’s not primarily about the songs we sing, the words we say, or how we look on the outside. Remember: “For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).

Paul urges us in Romans 12:1, “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”

Our ultimate calling as men is to lead our families into worship—into the presence of God, into the fullness of our faith, and into the truth of Jesus. But if our lives aren’t centered on Him, and if the things of this world consume us, then those things will inevitably receive our worship. Please make no mistake: we were created to worship. Without realizing it, we can end up worshiping our kids, sports, the stock market, or our careers. These things are not wrong to enjoy, but when they take a higher place in our lives than Jesus and His will for us, they become idols.

Men, your family doesn’t need a rock star—they need a worshiper. They need a man who will set the tone, guard the atmosphere, and fix his eyes on Jesus. Lead boldly, because the way you worship will shape the way your family follows Christ.

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Ask yourself these questions to see where your worship might be directed:

1. What do I spend most of my time doing (habits, hobbies, or obsessions)?
2. What consumes the majority of my thoughts?
3. What do I spend most of my money on (beyond regular expenses)?

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Here are some practical ways to lead your family in worship:

1. Talk often about the things of God with your family—wonder, explore, and discuss.
2. Play worship music in your home regularly to create an atmosphere of gratitude and thankfulness.
3. Make serving others a priority in your home. Join something bigger than yourselves: go to church together, serve, and get connected.
4. Set the culture and direction of your home clearly and boldly: “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15).

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Triple the Work but Great is the Reward: Lessons on Stepfatherhood

When a man chooses to marry a woman with children, he is not only committing to her—he is also embracing the responsibility of stepping into the role of father. Becoming a husband brings its own responsibilities. Becoming a dad doubles the load. Becoming an instant stepfather triples the weight of responsibility in ways that cannot be fully grasped until you walk through it. But when you are walking with God, He strengthens, equips, and encourages you for the journey.

I know this because I lived it.

My own father was present in my life but not really a participant. He provided materially, but he was not relational, supportive, or engaged. He never modeled the type of father I longed for, and because of that, I had no example to follow. When I married a woman who had a young daughter, I assumed it would be easy to step in and help raise her.

At first, it looked simple. My wife was loving, patient, and nurturing with her child. Their relationship was filled with joy and friendship. I thought, “I can do this! How hard could it be?” What I did not realize was that my wife’s connection with her daughter had been built over years of sacrifice, sleepless nights, and countless intentional choices. She had poured into her daughter’s heart and created a safe and loving environment. I tried to step in as if I could pick up where she left off, but relationships are not inherited—they must be built.

The truth was, I struggled. My selfishness, pride, and stubbornness kept me from connecting in the way my stepchild needed. I was content with surface-level involvement—showing up at sports events or helping with school projects—without truly opening my heart. Over time, my flaws drove a wedge between us. My wife often had to serve as the buffer in our home, which was not God’s design for the family.

But then God stepped in.

When I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ, everything began to change. The process was not instant or easy. My old ways fought back, but God was patient. He began healing the wounds from my own father’s absence. He showed me that love is not simply saying the right words but reflecting His heart through compassion, patience, and sacrifice.

As God reshaped me, I began to see my stepdaughter the way He sees her—precious, unique, and deeply loved. Today she is grown, a wife and a mother herself, and an incredible woman. I often look back and wish I could have been a better father in those early years. I have had to ask for forgiveness and acknowledge my failures. Yet I also know God has been at work, redeeming what was broken and restoring our relationship for the future.

Scripture may not specifically use the word, “stepfather”, but they are there. Joseph was a stepfather to Jesus.  He loved, protected and provided for Jesus like any father would. If you are a father or stepfather, the Bible offers timeless wisdom for men in these roles. Paul writes, “Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience” (Colossians 3:12). And again, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, lest they become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21). These are not optional suggestions but essential commands for anyone called to fatherhood.

Being a stepfather is not about replacing anyone. It is about reflecting Christ. Love in your heart is meaningless if it is never expressed in ways that meet a child’s God-given needs. With God’s help, even painful beginnings can be rewritten into a story of redemption.

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Application Questions:

1. If you are considering marriage to someone with children, are you prepared to embrace the responsibility of fatherhood?
   
2. What areas of your character still need God’s transformation before you can love well?
   
3. How are you investing in your children or stepchildren beyond simply being present?
   
4. Do you need to apologize to your wife or children? Are you willing to humble yourself, ask forgiveness, and let God restore what may be broken?

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