Fatherhood

EP06: DATING, PORN & FAMILY

EPISODE 06

DATING, PORN & FAMILY

In this episode, join us for a round table discussion where we unpack some actual questions from our Remnant community and practical wisdom about relationships, being a dad and a husband, and even touching on
combating addiction, plus much more.

We know this episode has something every man can take away to improve their life.


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WHAT YOU’LL LEARN:

  • What to look for in a future spouse.
  • How to live a well-balanced life.
  • Being mindful of the state of your home.
  • Problems to overcome when you first get married.
  • Overcoming a porn addiction.
  • Practically pastoring your family.
  • How to connect young men to the church community



KEY TAKEAWAYS:

0:57 – 🔑 THE BIGGEST PIECE OF ADVICE FOR SINGLE MEN LOOKING FOR A SPOUSE?

  • Don’t get so focused on the person you’re pursuing that you lose sight of Jesus.
  • Make sure you have accountability over your life, some men that can speak wisdom and guidance into your situation. 
  • Allow God to lead you to the right person at the right time.


3:36 – 🔑 AS THE MAN OF THE HOUSE, HOW DO YOU BALANCE EVERYTHING FROM THE FAMILY TO CAREER TO ALONE TIME?

  • Get (and keep) a calendar. You schedule time for what’s important to you. Set your non-negotiables.
  • Get up earlier. Starting your day earlier keeps you on track.
  • Be agile with your calendar – every season requires a shift.
  • Have regular check-in with your spouse to make sure you’re aligned.
  • Always ask God for guidance about the state of your home.
  • Leading your wife does not mean changing your wife. Love your wife, and let God change her. Die daily so that she may live an abundant life.
  • Listening to your wife can make you even better. You can lead your home without being a dictator.


11:30 – 🔑 HOW TO HELP SOMEONE WHO’S ADDICTED TO PORN?

  • Get accountability.
  • You can cast a spirit off of a person, but you cannot release that person’s grip on that spirit. They need to let it go.
  • Genuinely walk with the person and be there for the peaks and the valleys.
  • You have to decide: You must put the lust to death, or you’re going to die to it.
  • Ask God to reveal what the addiction you’re struggling with is doing to your life.


15:57 – 🔑 WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE TO PASTOR YOUR FAMILY?

  • Look for every opportunity to talk to your wife and kids about God and His creation.
  • Show your family what it’s like to live out your faith, pray with others and serve God and His people.
  • In everything you do, find a way to incorporate Christ; it’s at the forefront of your family’s mind.
  • Model what matters – even if you must apologize and repent of your shortcomings. It makes you more approachable.
  • You cannot replicate what you want; you can only replicate who you are. Who you are will show through your children.


20:29 – 🔑 WHAT IS A HEALTHY WAY FOR ME TO BEGIN DATING AND GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE?

  • In the beginning, keep it casual – don’t be weird. 
  • Dating is friendship and getting to know them deeper. 
  • Be on guard not to cross lines mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Some things must be saved for marriage.


22:45 – 🔑 HOW CAN I GET MY 21-YEAR-OLD SON INTO CHURCH

  • First, become his friend, earn his trust, and encourage him to open up to you.
  • Model what the church is to your son, and continue to pray for him and his situation. 
  • Don’t undermine the power of your prayer; God is pursuing who you’re praying for.


QUESTION FOR REFLECTION:

  • Which practical point are you going to apply in your life?


RESOURCES:


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REMNANT PODCAST EP. 05

Welcome to the hangout. On this episode we sit down with Pastor Jude Fouquier, from The Father’s House Church in Vacaville, California and talk about what it means to be honest and humble, how to be a dad, and healthy habits. Listen in and join the hangout. 

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A Book on Fatherhood

Today’s verified resource is a book by Dr. Myles Munroe on fatherhood. In this book, you’ll learn about the role of men in the world and the basic functions of fatherhood. Whatever your marital or dad-status is, you should read this. It’s every man’s destiny to become a father.

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THE DAD WOUND

“There is a trauma wound affecting more people than drugs or alcohol combined. It cuts deeper than flesh and bone, and works it’s way to the soul. It affects both the rich and poor alike without prejudice. It is the father wound, and it leaves a wake of destruction in its path more devastating than any natural disaster.” Men must be healed and delivered from this wound. How does one do that? “The first step to healing is to believe you are a child of God, with a Father who will never leave, nor forsake you. Now it is time to invite Him into the wound that is festering within your spirit. 1 Peter 2:24 tells us, “for by His wounds you were healed,” and while Peter’s reference here is towards spiritual healing and salvation, it goes much deeper than that. The Greek word for “you were healed,” is iaomai, which means not only to cure and to heal, but also to make whole. God desires to make you whole. You just have to let Him. The next step is to forgive your father, so that healing can continue. Nelson Mandela said, “When a deep injury is done to us, we never heal until we forgive.” The longer you hold on to unforgiveness, the longer the pain will control your life. They say holding onto unforgiveness/bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. When you forgive your father for his negligence, abuse, abandonment, or any other wound he created, you are exemplifying the God’s forgiveness to us. God forgave us of every wretched thing we have done, and continue to do. As you are changed into His likeness, share that same forgiveness with your father. Even if you never get the opportunity to say it to him personally, forgive him. Determine in your mind and heart you have forgiven him so you can heal.” -Dr. Passini

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