PARENTING WHEN IT GETS HARD
PARENTING WHEN IT GETS HARD
– Reflections on 51 Years of Fatherhood –
My wife Sue and I have been married for 51 years and are the proud parents of three adult children and ten grandchildren. Those who know our family might think we were model Christian parents. That was not always the case. But the desire of our hearts, our prayers, and—most importantly—the Lord’s grace covered our shortcomings.
Psalm 127:3–5 says: “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them…” While many hope to leave their children an inheritance, Scripture reminds us that our children are themselves the inheritance. They are gifts from the Lord. At this point in my life, more than ever, my children and grandchildren are my greatest reward.
Although I practiced these things imperfectly, here are several truths I’ve learned about parenting.
1. Parenting begins before you are a parent.
Pray for your children before they are born. Pray for their future spouses. Ask the Lord for prophetic words and promises concerning them. I received such words for my children and even for my grandchildren before they were born. It has been thrilling to watch the Lord fulfill them over time.
2. Being a godly father requires being a godly man.
Whether you realize it or not, your children see your actions, hear your words, and often discern your thoughts. You are their moral compass. Many children say they want to be just like their dad. In your case, let what they imitate be the character of Christ. No father is perfect, but our role is to point beyond ourselves to the Heavenly Father. Think of earthly fatherhood as the appetizer—God is the main course.
3. Love their mother well.
One of the greatest ways to love your children is to love their mother. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). A home marked by compassion, humility, self-sacrifice, and commitment gives children the security they need. Remember, you are shaping the next generation of husbands and wives.
4. Be intentional about the atmosphere of your home.
Parents set the spiritual tone. Ephesians 6:4 instructs fathers to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Deuteronomy 6:4–7 echoes the call to teach God’s Word diligently to our children. That means setting boundaries, protecting their innocence, and investing in their character development. Read Scripture and pray with them daily.
5. Invest time.
Relationship takes time, and time cannot be replaced. Have conversations about what matters to them. Don’t just give answers—ask questions and listen well. Encourage their interests, attend their activities, coach their teams, and be present in their school life. Set aside family nights with no phones and no outside distractions. Take vacations, explore new places, and broaden their horizons. These rhythms build bonds not only between parents and children but also between siblings.
Parenting is one of life’s greatest challenges, but it is also one of the greatest joys. It is demanding, rewarding, exhausting, and exhilarating—all at once. My encouragement to fathers is simple: make the effort to get it right. And even if you’ve stumbled, remember this—it is never too late to make course corrections. Your son or daughter may be waiting for you to take the first step.
Applications:
- Start with prayer. Whether you are expecting children or are already a parent, begin praying daily for them and their future.
- Model Christ. Evaluate your life. What are your children learning from watching you? Ask God to strengthen the areas where you fall short.
- Love your wife openly. Show your children what Christlike love looks like in marriage.
- Create a spiritual atmosphere. Read Scripture, pray, and set clear boundaries for what enters your home.
- Invest intentionally. Plan time for one-on-one conversations, family nights, and shared adventures that strengthen bonds.
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