Fatherhood

YEAR ONE: Protecting the First Year of Your Marriage

At this point in my life, I’ve lost track of the exact number of weddings I’ve officiated or participated in—it’s probably close to 200. At almost every wedding, the couple asks their guests to share a word of wisdom or best wishes. Whenever I’m asked, I write down Deuteronomy 24:5:

“When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken.” (ESV)

This verse has always stood out to me because it highlights how critical the first year of marriage is. From it, I believe we see at least three key principles:

1. Your First Year Is Foundational

The first year sets the tone for the rest of your marriage. You will establish rhythms, habits, and ways of relating to each other that will shape your future together. It’s like a ship setting out to sea—if the compass is even one degree off, it will end up far from its intended destination. Healthy habits must be formed early: serving one another, learning how to lead and follow, recognizing and appreciating each other’s strengths.

In our first year, my wife and I agreed to live by Paul’s instruction in Ephesians 4:26: “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.” That commitment became a guardrail that has helped us through countless moments of disagreement.

2. Your First Priority Is Your Wife

Before marriage, a man may freely set his ambitions on work, projects, or personal goals. But once married, God calls him to reorient his priorities. Deuteronomy 24:5 even exempted a newlywed from serving his community or defending his nation. Why? Because his wife must come first.

Marriage means you are now “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Protecting your marriage comes before protecting your reputation, your career, or even your community. The strength of the family is the strength of the nation, and that begins with a husband cherishing his wife above all else.

3. Your First Goal: Pursue Happiness at Home

The command in Deuteronomy 24:5 is not merely to stay home—it is “to be happy with his wife.” In other words, joy, laughter, and delight are not optional extras in marriage; they are commanded.

I once heard a well-meaning man say, “Don’t try to make your wife happy.” I am glad I ignored that advice! A husband should cultivate an atmosphere of joy. Stress, work pressures, and life’s demands will try to steal it, but a godly man chooses to bring happiness into his home. Create space for laughter, fun, and memory-making moments. Years later, it is often those moments—not promotions or possessions—that will be cherished the most.

A Timeless Principle

As a Christian under the new covenant, I don’t take Deuteronomy 24:5 literally, but I do take it seriously. God gave us a timeless principle: protect the first year of marriage. Not as a burden, but as a gift, so that couples can enjoy the happiness He always intended.

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Application Questions

1. What habits are you currently forming in your marriage that will shape the next ten years?
2. In what ways do you demonstrate that your wife is your highest earthly priority?
3. What intentional steps can you take this week to bring joy and laughter into your home?
4. If you weren’t intentional about your first year, how can you start this year? It’s not too late to create new rhythms and patterns that bring happiness to your home.

WHEN ARE YOU READY TO GET MARRIED?

Marriage is a beautiful and holy institution—a good desire to have. It is a lifelong covenant and commitment before God. For this reason, men should be mindful of pursuing marriage only when they are truly ready. The pursuit of marriage should be the ultimate goal of dating. Dating isn’t an end in itself. Dating without marriage in mind can lead to a lifestyle and pattern where relationships become disposable. Because of that, it’s important to reserve dating for when marriage is a realistic possibility—either now or in the near future.

So, how do you know when you are ready to pursue marriage? Here are four questions a man should ask himself to determine if he’s ready.

1. “Am I ready practically?”

In speaking about marriage, Jesus said, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother…” (Mark 10:7). Practically speaking, are you able to move out of your parents’ house? Are you able to provide for your future wife and family?

This requires financial stability. You don’t need to have a million dollars in the bank, but you should be able to bear the responsibility of providing. If the answer is no, begin working on a plan to get there.

2. “Am I ready spiritually?”

Is your relationship with the Lord where it should be? Have you developed spiritual disciplines? Your future marriage will only be as healthy as you and your wife are. Are there sin habits or addictions you’re still fighting? Many believe marriage will fix these issues, but in reality, it often makes them worse.

Find freedom now. Develop spiritual disciplines so you can lead and pastor your future family well.

3. “Am I ready to lead?”

As a husband, you are called to lead and pastor your family. This starts by leading yourself. Do you have goals for your life? Are you developing character and discipline? Ask yourself: If my future daughter brought home a man like me, would I be okay with that?

This question isn’t meant to condemn or discourage, but to help you identify areas for growth so you can become the man God has called you to be.

4. “Am I ready to serve and to sacrifice?”

Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” A Christlike husband serves and sacrifices for his wife. Are you ready to deny your flesh? You and your wife will be one flesh. Marriage is about unity. It will no longer be your money, your time, your goals, or your dreams.

True love is sacrificial. True leadership is service. Are you ready to put your wife and family before yourself?

Final Thoughts

Don’t be discouraged if your answer to any of the questions above is no. Ask the Lord to help you grow in those areas. Develop a plan. Don’t do it alone—find accountability in other godly men who will challenge and encourage you.

Take the time now to build the right foundation so that when you meet the woman you want to spend your life with, you are ready to love her, lead her, and walk with her in unity before the Lord.

Application Questions:

1. Which area(s) do you need to develop to be ready for marriage? How will you work on them?
2. How are you leading yourself? Do you have goals to keep growing as a man of God?
3. Are there godly men in your life who can speak into your relationships and marriage journey?

PARENTING WHEN IT GETS HARD
– Reflections on 51 Years of Fatherhood –

My wife Sue and I have been married for 51 years and are the proud parents of three adult children and ten grandchildren. Those who know our family might think we were model Christian parents. That was not always the case. But the desire of our hearts, our prayers, and—most importantly—the Lord’s grace covered our shortcomings.

Psalm 127:3–5 says: “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them…” While many hope to leave their children an inheritance, Scripture reminds us that our children are themselves the inheritance. They are gifts from the Lord. At this point in my life, more than ever, my children and grandchildren are my greatest reward.

Although I practiced these things imperfectly, here are several truths I’ve learned about parenting.

1. Parenting begins before you are a parent.

Pray for your children before they are born. Pray for their future spouses. Ask the Lord for prophetic words and promises concerning them. I received such words for my children and even for my grandchildren before they were born. It has been thrilling to watch the Lord fulfill them over time.

2. Being a godly father requires being a godly man.

Whether you realize it or not, your children see your actions, hear your words, and often discern your thoughts. You are their moral compass. Many children say they want to be just like their dad. In your case, let what they imitate be the character of Christ. No father is perfect, but our role is to point beyond ourselves to the Heavenly Father. Think of earthly fatherhood as the appetizer—God is the main course.

3. Love their mother well.

One of the greatest ways to love your children is to love their mother. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). A home marked by compassion, humility, self-sacrifice, and commitment gives children the security they need. Remember, you are shaping the next generation of husbands and wives.

4. Be intentional about the atmosphere of your home.

Parents set the spiritual tone. Ephesians 6:4 instructs fathers to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Deuteronomy 6:4–7 echoes the call to teach God’s Word diligently to our children. That means setting boundaries, protecting their innocence, and investing in their character development. Read Scripture and pray with them daily.

5. Invest time.

Relationship takes time, and time cannot be replaced. Have conversations about what matters to them. Don’t just give answers—ask questions and listen well. Encourage their interests, attend their activities, coach their teams, and be present in their school life. Set aside family nights with no phones and no outside distractions. Take vacations, explore new places, and broaden their horizons. These rhythms build bonds not only between parents and children but also between siblings.

Parenting is one of life’s greatest challenges, but it is also one of the greatest joys. It is demanding, rewarding, exhausting, and exhilarating—all at once. My encouragement to fathers is simple: make the effort to get it right. And even if you’ve stumbled, remember this—it is never too late to make course corrections. Your son or daughter may be waiting for you to take the first step.

Applications:

1. Start with prayer. Whether you are expecting children or are already a parent, begin praying daily for them and their future.
2. Model Christ. Evaluate your life. What are your children learning from watching you? Ask God to strengthen the areas where you fall short.
3. Love your wife openly. Show your children what Christlike love looks like in marriage.
4. Create a spiritual atmosphere. Read Scripture, pray, and set clear boundaries for what enters your home.
5. Invest intentionally. Plan time for one-on-one conversations, family nights, and shared adventures that strengthen bonds.

THE HIGH CALL OF FATHERHOOD

As you walk into our home, there’s a sign on the wall that reads, “The most important work you will ever do is within the walls of your home.” That quote captures a truth that serves as a reminder to my wife and me that the real work begins when we walk through the front door.  Our greatest legacy will not be our career accomplishments, financial status, or social standing—it will be the family we build and the faith we pass down.

As men, God has called us to be builders—and the most important thing we will ever build is a strong, loving, and faith-filled family. Yes, fatherhood is often messy. It’s loud, unpredictable, and at times overwhelming. But it’s in the midst of the chaos that we walk out one of the highest callings God has given us.  Psalm 127:3–5 tells us that “Children are a heritage from the Lord… like arrows in the hand of a warrior.” That means you and I are not just dads—we are warriors. Our children are the arrows we are shaping and aiming toward their God-given purpose. We have a responsibility to be skilled in our role, so we hit the target with precision and purpose.

Through our stewardship as fathers, our children will have a real and lasting encounter with God. The kind of encounter that causes them, like Peter, to say: “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” I pray that once our children have tasted the goodness of God, nothing else will ever satisfy.

As a father to five daughters and one son, I’ve walked through victories, suffering, and mistakes. And through it all, the Lord has led me and taught me some foundational truths for raising kids who thrive—not just in life, but in faith.

1. Love Your Wife Well

Your first ministry isn’t your job—or even your kids—it’s your wife. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church” (Ephesians 5:25). One of the greatest gifts you can give your kids is a front-row seat to a healthy, faithful, and godly marriage. They are watching. Model what covenant love looks like. 

2. Guard Your Heart Against Complacency

Matthew 24:12 warns that in the last days, “the love of many will grow cold.” Let that not be said of us. Stay fervent. Stay passionate about the things of God. Let your kids see that worship, service, hard work, and integrity aren’t optional—they are non-negotiable parts of a life devoted to Jesus.  Lord, as the years progress, soften our hearts to the Holy Spirit and His leading in our lives.

3. Persevere Through Trials

Romans 5:3–5 teaches that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character. Life is going to test you—and your children are watching. Let them see a faith that doesn’t waver when storms come. Like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, let’s be men who know God can deliver us, but our posture remains the same even if he doesn’t.

4. Be a Man of Prayer

Cover your kids in prayer—daily.  Pray for their hearts, their futures, their spouses, and even their children. You may not be able to control their paths, but you can place them in the hands of the One who does.

5. Protect with Purpose

Protection isn’t just about physical safety. Guard your home spiritually. Set boundaries. Monitor what influences come through your doors. Be strong, but not harsh. Your strength should make your children feel safe, never fearful.  We are to be like Sentinels (soldiers who keep watch), able to discern with the help of the Holy Spirit what is trying to come against our children.  We have the authority and responsibility to protect both physically and spiritually.

6. Celebrate Who They Are

Celebrate your kids not just for what they do, but for who they are. Make it known that their existence brings you joy. Affirm their identity, not just their performance.

7. Make Your Home a Refuge

The world is loud, demanding, and often unkind. Let your home be a place of peace. A sanctuary. A safe harbor where your children feel seen, known, and deeply loved.

8. Create Memories That Matter

Be intentional with your time. The simple moments—playing catch, taking a walk, showing up—these are the ones that shape a child’s heart. Build stories they’ll carry for life.  For us, the best memories are when we escape to the mountains as a family.  We have found that it opens our kids’ hearts for real, honest conversations and growth as a family.

9. Be Consistent

1 Corinthians 15:58 urges us to “stand firm. Let nothing move you.” At Awakening, we encourage new believers with the 52-Week Challenge—a call to consistency that transforms lives. But men, don’t stop at a year. Let’s take the 20-year challenge. The 30-year challenge. The lifetime challenge. Our consistent devotion to God will leave a legacy of strength and spiritual endurance in our families.

10. Recognize God Given Moments

My wife and I have discovered that some of the most meaningful teaching moments come when we least expect them. It’s often in the everyday—on the drive to school, when a deep question surfaces, or during bedtime, when a child finally opens up about something heavy on their heart. These moments can’t be manufactured; they happen naturally and often catch us by surprise. But if we’re paying attention, we’ll sense when the Holy Spirit is inviting us to lean in. Be present. Be ready. These unexpected conversations often hold the greatest potential for shaping your child’s heart.

Applications:

1. What kind of legacy am I building within the walls of my home?
   Reflect on what your children will remember most about your leadership, love, and faith. Are you living in a way that points them to Jesus?
2. What am I currently doing to protect my home spiritually?
   Inventory the media, conversations, and attitudes allowed in your house. Is anything weakening the spiritual walls? What boundaries need to be reinforced?
3. Am I intentionally creating memory-making moments with my kids?
   Ask your children about a favorite memory with you. Was it planned or spontaneous? How can you recreate those moments more consistently?